Saturday, July 27, 2013

Week 51: Life Lessons

My best life lesson is the fact that now I live in a big city. Growing up in a small town of 1000 pop. everyone has an opinon on how you act what you do, who you are.. just stupid shit!

At times I hate the fact that I live in such a heavy popluated place, but at the same time it's like.. chances of me really seeing you again are not that likely so do what you do and I'll do what I do. I don't need you to judge me and I don't care if you do because you don't matter to me. The ones that matter to me are my husband children my brothers and sister, my parents and close friends. Other then that you don't matter to me. Might sound mean to say but really I don't need your judgements.. I judge myself enough that I don't need you to say anything:)

So I've started this brush it off your shoulder thing. Trying to teach my children that too. And my 8 yr old is so funny cause as soon as I start to get irritated he takes his hand and brushes my shoulder:) And I'll say exactly.. it isn't that big of a deal. Let them be them and I'll be me.

I've learned a lot about myself over the past couple years trying to get myself back on track. It's amazing how invovled you can get without even knowing really what or why your doing things. And now I see it. Not that I always react in the correct manor:) Cause I have a pretty good wall built up. If you come at me, my wall goes Up and my Claws come out!

The one thing that pisses me off about it tho is that I always end up apologizing because I don't like the way that I handled it so then I say I'm sorry. Not that I'm sorry for what I believed, but sorry because I could have dealt with it in another way. But most people don't understand that and they think that I'm apologizing saying they were right. (specially my mother!)

One life lesson that I have learned.. or at least I'm teaching myself to learn is that it's okay to be 'selfish' to protect myself so that I can live a happier life. It's okay that I have to take care of myself. That I have to to be a better wife, mother, sister, daughter. And if others have an issue with that, well then that's their issue not mine. I need to get better so I can live and laugh and cry and scream:) Gotta have it all to know how each of the feel. So call me a "selfish bitch" (my mother did) and you know what I'll say Yes I am! Deal with it haha!

Every day can be another lesson or journey or whatever you want to make of it. It's your life you decide!

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