Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Week 36: My Gift

So sorry Marnie, I looked at this and thought WTF I HAVE NOTHING!:) lol

When it comes to gifts my first thought is a possession. Some material like idea. I personally don't like materials. That's not what hits home to me anyways.

I thought of the gifts I did give. Christmas or birthdays, giving to a homeless person (which my husband says I do too often and that they probably are not homeless .. oh well)

Rather to me it's the idea of being there for someone for whatever reason.

Well, what I came up with is.. somehow I make ppl laugh. I don't really know how or why at times, but I'll say something or do something and they'll laugh. At first I thought it was out of just being nice to make me feel good, but after awhile now I see that sometimes it's actually genuine. Which is really surprising to me. I don't see what they see, but I love to hear them laugh and think or believe that I made them just a bit more almost like relaxed and feeling good.

My boys love when I say some things and they just crack up.. it's so funny! I feel like I am allowing and letting them know that it is perfectly fine to be exactly who they are and to be proud of themselves for that. I hope that's what they are learning:)

So that is the best I can come up with. I always learned or well was told that you smile at someone it might make their day better. I like to believe when I say hi and smile that in some way it does something to make them feel better.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Week 35: Turing point

Well, I missed last week just with being so involved in things .. so I'm doing both week 34 and 35 today:) My turning point in my life.. hmm.. Honestly I think there's a lot. Like I can't just say one. So, here we go.

 I would have to say the first in which I have explained to many of you is my house exploding with my brother, and parents inside. And the fact that even though it happened at 5 in the morning I still went to school that day. My sister did say something the other day that made me think more tho.. she said that mom probably just didn't know what to do and thought that would be the easiest thing for me is to do what I would have done if nothing happened. And I haven't really ever been mad at my parents for having me go to school, I honestly was more upset with the ppl at the school asking questions about my brother or even then the fact of my house because I didn't have the answers. But it was hard to lose everything and be living in a place that I never felt was my home. Then with that my brother and I grew very close over that time. (just to say I have 4 brothers and 1 sister) anyways..

The next changing point. It was a hard time but the aftermath I had a beautiful baby boy. I had received a scholarship for college to play volleyball and I did play my freshman yr. but that spring during practice I kept blacking out, so I went to the doctors to find out I was pregnant. Which to tell everyone was embarrassing. I didn't tell my parents right away, that's a story all in itself. But I went and lived with my sister that summer, and just to go to church and have ppl look down to see if I was wearing a ring was hard to take. To go back to college that fall and really everyone just thought I was fat at first to find out I was pregnant to say things .. But I need to take what was great about it .. I gave birth to this wonderful boy, I can't even describe how great it was that day. It hurt. I didn't want any meds and it hurt, but I would of never taken that back, the joy that I felt when I had him in my arms is indescribable.

 Another turning point was then meeting my husband and getting married. At this point I don't know really how I feel. I know what I felt then and that was like finally my life is coming together and I get to be a family and raise a family. I will have more children. In which I did .. another 2 boys oh gosh:) And I will say that I think I finally got through to my husband and he realizes what's happening between him and I .. or I should say I hope he realizes, cause that could end up being another turning point hah. But ya, I definitely did not think my life would be where it is right now .. but it is.. so.. okay the last turning point that I can think of.

A bit over a year ago, Tom (my husband) found EDA Chatroom for me, that first day just sitting there over a meeting I didn't hardly say anything and I just sat and cried. It was the first time that I didn't feel alone. That someone actually got what I was thinking in my head. That even though everyone had these different stories, it all made sense in my mind. Now, ppl like my mother do not understand my thoughts, our thoughts. They just don't get it.

 So it was wonderful to me to finally be able to get things out and to feel not judged or stupid for thinking that way. That I was accepted. So I thank all of you for all that you have done. I cherish the support! And just the fact that I can count on you when I need. Thank you:)

Week 34: Calm

There is something about music that is just so wonderful to me. It's like it can get so in depth inside me, it reads me I guess is what I should say. Like if I want to cry I can turn on a song and cry and just pour my soul into the words. If I want to listen to something up beat, I'm dancing like a fool with my kids and just having a great time. And then there's always the hard music and the beats just go inside and it's like pulsating my heart. Some music it's the words. It might only be a phrase but that one sentence pulls me in and it touches my soul in such a way that I can't believe. I've never understood my connection with music, I figure it was because when things happened I turned to my radio. Yes radio because that's how old I was:) And I had tapes that I recorded from the other radio (if any of you remember those radios haha) So well, when I get all over the place, whether it's an argument, frustration about how I feel or was treated, or even just to celebrate. Music is what I have=)