Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Week 29: Funny Me=)

I actually take a lot of pride in being a 'dork' .. I really do! Mainly because it makes me smile. I laugh at myself thinking I'm cute doing it that everyone then will laugh as well. Most of the time it doesn't happen but you know there's going to be that 'once in a while' time.

For how many times I mess up.. I really should write a book about it. There's so many it's ridiculous!

Thing is I take Pride in it. I'm okay with my .. well my funny stupid mess ups. Now the ones that I do in anther way I don't like so much. But ya.

SO ..

My first that I remember off hand was when I was 12 (5 days before my bday) .. it was when my house blew up.. ya I know:) But I was in just a long jammy shirt and I had socks on and when I ran I slipped and fell. It was like 5 something in the morning .. and in my town, no one is awake essentially but I have to laugh and look around to make it seem like I totally meant to fall :) It was on purpose so .. Cute hehe.

Another time in high school, my senior year on the basketball floor and we're in a game. There was this wasp (and to this day I have never been stung) but I am on the floor and I really do wish that they had a video because I am just slowly walking away in this circle to try to get away from the damn thing. I did have one girl look at me and asked what are you doing and I'm like there's a frickin wasp and I don't want to be stung and she just started laughing.

I honestly have a lot of embarrassing moments. That I have told myself to play it off. TO act like it wasn't as Big as I might think it was.

One other basketball game we were playing this team and there was a guy from that town that I just like adored. And I was a sophomore starting Varsity so it's like that much more pressure because you should be good if your playing over all these other people. Well I'm going off there haha. I ended up going up for a layup. I mean I stole the ball had a break away and I completely fall .. going up for a layup. Who does that?? Me:) So then I had to smile and laugh about it so that I didn't look like a total fool.

My latest thing was I was getting out of bed and I .. well it's probably hard to describe to actually get the action but I flipped my one leg over to then just basically stand as soon as I got up.. yep that didn't happen. Instead I flipped it to just roll over off the bed into the chair..... And it hurt:)

If there is anything that makes me smile, I like it. No I love it. I like smiling.

Well that's just a bit of my mess ups.. there's lots!:) And for the most part .. I'm okay with it.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Week 28 : Where would I have been

Where I would have been without Ed?

Well, I first off wonder how much more I would have pushed myself. In sports, I was good but I settled for what I did. I mean I just kind of think that I could have ran that much hard I could have went up to the gym that many more times. Instead Ed would say oh your fine, I mean your already on Varsity and no one else in your class is. And your starting before Sophomores and Juniors. But now looking back, I should have pushed more. My life could have went into a many different directions.

And then it goes to college, because I did get scholarship. I really didn't even want to talk to any of the scouts because we just lost State Volleyball after playing for 6 hrs (lasted til 1 in the morning) and we lost. I took the responsibility for it. I could have I SHOULD have done something more. But nope Ed kept telling me I'm doing everything that was good enough for it. So scouts are calling and what they are saying are going into one ear and out the other.

So I'm looking at colleges, and for some reason I didn't want to go to those colleges offering full scholarships. Not even the ones offering the 4 yr scholarship with money each semester. I instead want to go to this college that I talked to but they hadn't heard so much about me so I would have to send a video of me playing both basketball and volleyball. And that there was a good chance I would just have to work out and prove myself out at tryouts. This college was about 12 hrs away from where I lived and I was dead set on it. But that didn't happen.

I hated the college I went to. Didn't like playing. The girls were snobby like the whole year to me and it just fueled Ed. I didn't care about going to classes, and then when I was still getting B's and A's some C's.. it just helped Ed do that whole thing of see you don't even need to go to class. So most classes I didn't even attend so not sure how I passed. After 4 yrs I got my Bachelors and then it started all over of where am I going to go. Get the hell out of here.

Met Tom the week of graduation and then we were together since. I'm pretty honest with him so I know he knows this. But there was this one guy I met and we definitely had something, but Ed always just said "Are you Serious" "Have you looked in the mirror" "Your losing your mind" .. so I blew him off.

I know that sounds horrible because Tom and I have been together for 9 yrs.. and it's definitely been bumpy. But when I think about it .. I couldn't have seen anyone else staying next to me to try to get me on a better track and get healthy.

But I figure in a way. I can look back and say 'What If'. That's not going to help me though to move ahead. I can't be happy if I'm looking with my head over my shoulder. I'm going to end up missing what's standing in front of me.

SO Where would I have been? I say right now where I am. I have a husband standing next to me, 3 beautiful boys. A big family that I love. And great friends who at anytime can be there. That's where I am:)

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Week 27: Super Poowa=)

Mine would be Protection. Strength. Power. Not the power that people strive to have with money and house and all that .. but the power to teach others and have them actually learn to be kind to one another. To realize that just because who you are doesn't mean someone should try to mold you into something your not.

I would love to have the ability to shut those people that are abusive by their words and actions.. It never fails how many times I come across people that are just so into themselves that they can't see others around them and how they are acting. Specially when it's those types of people that are like it's my way or the highway, yet they are just as screwed up.

Would also like to make ppl think of others. Like when your driving that there are other people on the road. Or if your walking on the street or in the store to move to the side. To say excuse me. (Can't ever stand when I say excuse me and the reply is uh huh.. it's wtf you were in my way and i needed by but you were too concerned about what you were doing.)

But most of all my super power would be to have in the past to of loved who I was. To have seen what I thought I should have known to of been okay with it. But maybe I do have a super power that is slowly growing. Just in the start of it:)