So here I go and suggest this topic, because I thought I had finally understood how to handle things. Then life hits me with a loop and I really don't know anymore.
Growing up I couldn't ever express myself. Even now it's hard for me to. So when I had things happen I just held it in and try to ignore it. Forget that it ever happened. I put up a pretty good wall. Not saying that people still couldn't hurt me, because they still did. I just tried to make sure that they never saw it.
Lately, I was doing well with things. If it got to me where I felt like it was becoming too much I would just walk away. Go listen to music, or sit in the bathroom because that's like the only place ppl won't bother me:) I stopped with the confrontations and just said whatever it's not worth it right now. I was doing good at picking my battles. (which I hadn't been for sometime).
So here I think I'm doing well. Things are on a positive note looking up. Then I got bad news. Scary news for me anyways. I still don't know what to think. I want to wake up and just find out it was all one HUGE nightmare. I've just been crying a lot and I have to figure out things. I'm just scared and lost and I want to hide under covers for days.
Not sure why I thought I was untouchable or something like that, but I just thought that everything would be okay. And I'm mad like at the world. I'm mad at me. I'm pissed at Tom for butting in my life, when things were just fine and ever since he had to do this to me it's one thing after another. I was really hoping that after what all happened last year and all the hurt that that was my rock bottem and things were going to start getting better. Guess I have a worse year this next year.
Well, maybe after, if everything works out. I'll be able to say how I handled things. Til then I really don't know now. I wish I had the answer because I could really use it right now:)
Friday, November 30, 2012
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Week 41: Dream Job
Well lets start off with this. When I graduated high school, I thought I would like to teach. Then getting to college, playing volleyball, getting pregnant:), losing my scholarships.. ya took me in a different direction.
I thought I would like to teach Math for like say anywhere from 4th grade to like sophomores. But then the more I got thinking about it it just didn't feel like something I was truly passionate about Plus too, it just doesn't help listening to my other 2 brothers and sister who teach and having to deal with parents. Mainly because when I was growing up it was either I did it or didn't do it. Had nothing to do with the teacher I knew what was expected and if I didn't get there then it was my responsibility to get there. So I figured teaching wasn't the right direction for me. Mainly because I would put a lot of blame on the parents unless it was something that I truly missed or overlooked and then I would take my responsibility, but for the most part I believe once your getting into high school, even middle school for that part, the parents need to step it up more.. anyways.. hah
I figured just to take my generals and see what road that took me. It didn't take me long. I feel in love with History. It fascinated me. It was defiantly classes that for the rest of college that I would refuse to miss. I bought so many books one different subjects about it. On countries and presidents. I just don't know what it is that I find striking but I do. So I ended up graduating with a degree in Social Sciences, which if I were to be a teacher :) I could have taught History, Geography, Political Science, Sociology, Psychology, Economics, and Government.
When I graduated, I wanted to become a social worker. Only problem was I was a single mother of one and in South Dakota they expect you to just go to the other side of the state for weeks and possibly come back or maybe not .. stay there for awhile. I just couldn't do that to my son. Anyways..
I basically have two dream jobs. Possibly even three haha. One when I was graduating was to be a Social Worker. I like to file things and have things in order so I thought I would be good at that. Not so sure if I would be good with the hands on job if it came to that, mainly because the mother instinct would come into play and then.. I'm not so nice. But then working in a museum. Mainly tho the ones that have a lot of history to them .. not saying obviously the ones that have dinosaurs and what not don't, but I just want ones that tell in detail about the heritage of that state or others and what went on during those days. And I did work at a museum for a while. We got pregnant with my second (his first) but I was also working 40 plus hours waitressing and that job was paying a lot more. So that was the route I needed to take. But really to work in a museum I would just love.
So my 3rd dream job. Kinda doing that one. I always wanted to stay at home with the kids. Being able to help them out with homework and what not. Just to have someone always around. I like it to a point. If I had a babysitter it would be better:) Just so that I could get out every once in awhile without having to drag one or another, but I also figure that day will come soon enough where they will be old enough and won't even want to come along either. It does get difficult running around all across town to get them to one place to another. Not the way I grew up so they I worry. But I do enjoy being home with them and being able to make them meals and us sit down for dinner together. And that they are getting to play in sports or activities that they want to. It does get hard, but I figure in the long run that's all that matters. But I swear when they turn 18 if I don't go on a cruise I'm gonna be pissed LOL:)
Life takes us in all different directions. It's what you do when your handed those cards .. you get to decide. That is what matters.
I thought I would like to teach Math for like say anywhere from 4th grade to like sophomores. But then the more I got thinking about it it just didn't feel like something I was truly passionate about Plus too, it just doesn't help listening to my other 2 brothers and sister who teach and having to deal with parents. Mainly because when I was growing up it was either I did it or didn't do it. Had nothing to do with the teacher I knew what was expected and if I didn't get there then it was my responsibility to get there. So I figured teaching wasn't the right direction for me. Mainly because I would put a lot of blame on the parents unless it was something that I truly missed or overlooked and then I would take my responsibility, but for the most part I believe once your getting into high school, even middle school for that part, the parents need to step it up more.. anyways.. hah
I figured just to take my generals and see what road that took me. It didn't take me long. I feel in love with History. It fascinated me. It was defiantly classes that for the rest of college that I would refuse to miss. I bought so many books one different subjects about it. On countries and presidents. I just don't know what it is that I find striking but I do. So I ended up graduating with a degree in Social Sciences, which if I were to be a teacher :) I could have taught History, Geography, Political Science, Sociology, Psychology, Economics, and Government.
When I graduated, I wanted to become a social worker. Only problem was I was a single mother of one and in South Dakota they expect you to just go to the other side of the state for weeks and possibly come back or maybe not .. stay there for awhile. I just couldn't do that to my son. Anyways..
I basically have two dream jobs. Possibly even three haha. One when I was graduating was to be a Social Worker. I like to file things and have things in order so I thought I would be good at that. Not so sure if I would be good with the hands on job if it came to that, mainly because the mother instinct would come into play and then.. I'm not so nice. But then working in a museum. Mainly tho the ones that have a lot of history to them .. not saying obviously the ones that have dinosaurs and what not don't, but I just want ones that tell in detail about the heritage of that state or others and what went on during those days. And I did work at a museum for a while. We got pregnant with my second (his first) but I was also working 40 plus hours waitressing and that job was paying a lot more. So that was the route I needed to take. But really to work in a museum I would just love.
So my 3rd dream job. Kinda doing that one. I always wanted to stay at home with the kids. Being able to help them out with homework and what not. Just to have someone always around. I like it to a point. If I had a babysitter it would be better:) Just so that I could get out every once in awhile without having to drag one or another, but I also figure that day will come soon enough where they will be old enough and won't even want to come along either. It does get difficult running around all across town to get them to one place to another. Not the way I grew up so they I worry. But I do enjoy being home with them and being able to make them meals and us sit down for dinner together. And that they are getting to play in sports or activities that they want to. It does get hard, but I figure in the long run that's all that matters. But I swear when they turn 18 if I don't go on a cruise I'm gonna be pissed LOL:)
Life takes us in all different directions. It's what you do when your handed those cards .. you get to decide. That is what matters.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Week 40: Favorite TV Show
Hmm.. Well I'm going to group TV shows together. My favorite TV shows are those that make me laugh. Something that's light and hilarious and just brings a gloomy day feeling better.
Growing up there was this one show but I can't remember the name. I just know that unfortunately was when my mom braided my hair while it was wet so that it was somewhat curly the next day.. dislike!:) haha. But the thing I liked about it was that the whole family was around watching it and everyone was laughing.
We also watched America's Funniest Videos. I still get a crack out of that! Some of them anyways.. others I just shake my head wondering how it made it on the show and others it's like OW! Those are the ones I can't laugh about.. just doesn't seem right. But I enjoy sitting around with the boys and watching them. They just get such a crack out of it that it's too good. And then it just brings me back to growing up and laughing with my brothers and sister and feeling like in some way I belonged.. if that makes sense:P
So I would have to say right now I love watching the Penguins of Madagascar with the boys. And they will always be like mom you wanna watch, which I like. Makes me feel like they will later in life remember those times and share it with their children and look back and smile.
Obviously now tho my shows have pretty much changed. I like the chase and just the kind of thinking aspect in finding the wrong doer. But I will never give up those shows. I still watch AFV and watch the Penguins with the kids. Their other shows now.. nope heck no!:)
One thing I have to point out is it's funny when they talk about cartoons that were on when I was young and they are amazed that they are still on. Thanks guys.. I know.. got the memo I'm old:)
Well, TV shows, for me they seem to bring my family together at times. That and game boards, but it's nice to sit around and laugh. And I love to see the boys think that I find something funny that they do. Kinda gives them that boost of that they are okay who they are.
Growing up there was this one show but I can't remember the name. I just know that unfortunately was when my mom braided my hair while it was wet so that it was somewhat curly the next day.. dislike!:) haha. But the thing I liked about it was that the whole family was around watching it and everyone was laughing.
We also watched America's Funniest Videos. I still get a crack out of that! Some of them anyways.. others I just shake my head wondering how it made it on the show and others it's like OW! Those are the ones I can't laugh about.. just doesn't seem right. But I enjoy sitting around with the boys and watching them. They just get such a crack out of it that it's too good. And then it just brings me back to growing up and laughing with my brothers and sister and feeling like in some way I belonged.. if that makes sense:P
So I would have to say right now I love watching the Penguins of Madagascar with the boys. And they will always be like mom you wanna watch, which I like. Makes me feel like they will later in life remember those times and share it with their children and look back and smile.
Obviously now tho my shows have pretty much changed. I like the chase and just the kind of thinking aspect in finding the wrong doer. But I will never give up those shows. I still watch AFV and watch the Penguins with the kids. Their other shows now.. nope heck no!:)
One thing I have to point out is it's funny when they talk about cartoons that were on when I was young and they are amazed that they are still on. Thanks guys.. I know.. got the memo I'm old:)
Well, TV shows, for me they seem to bring my family together at times. That and game boards, but it's nice to sit around and laugh. And I love to see the boys think that I find something funny that they do. Kinda gives them that boost of that they are okay who they are.
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