I used to be really good at holding everything in. Not telling people how
I really feel. And honestly it's only a few that really get to know how I feel. My biggest problem with always letting people in is then they also think that they have a right to an opinion. Sometimes I don't want an opinion, I would just like you to hear what I am saying. So I usually have harbored my emotions because it has always seemed to back fire on me.
I quickly learned when I was younger that you don't tell others how you feel. That by doing so it's just going to give me hurt and pain. That if I was honest I got told that I was wrong. That it wasn't really how I felt. I didn't know what I was talking about. SO I moved forward with holding everything in all the time.
It didn't matter if I had an actual reason for my feelings or if I was just sad and upset because I was sad and upset. I basically always got told to suck it up. But that smile on your face because you need to pretend to everyone that your really actually happy and everything is perfect.
Yep make everyone think that your life is perfect when inside I am tearing apart. Trying so hard to make it look like everything is Wonderful.
When all I had wanted to scream at everyone and anyone.
However, Over this past like 7 months. Even thought things might not be all that well. I am learning to let feelings out. Mainly because I can't live like this anymore. I'll cry church, I'll cry right in front of anyone. If they have a problem with it, well then it's their problem. I try my best to tell people when I'm upset with them. I definitely do a lot better with Tom and the boys then I have in a long time. Still have work to do, but I feel like I'm at least heading in the direction that I want to with relationships and how to get all this gunk out of me so that I can actually rejoice my life the way I would like too.
I found this site
http://jameslau88.com/harboring_unforgiveness_is_like_drinking_poison.html
And there’s parts of it that I wanted to share. If you want to read all of it it’s up to. I know some of you believe in a higher power but not necessarily a God, I do so I just didn’t want to push anything on anyone is all. But here’s some of what I liked.
It is impossible to be bitter and get better at the same time!
How can a hurt or problem make you a better person? God does not bring hurts and wounds upon you, but once they are inflicted upon you, He is able to cause them to benefit you if you will trust Him to do so.
God can make miracles out of mistakes!
“What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living!” (Psalm 27:13 Amp
Recently 1 received a letter from a woman who wrote, “I know God did not cause your abuse, but if you had not been abused, you could not have helped me.” She continued, “Please don’t feel too badly about it, because God is using your pain to set others free.”
However, Over this past like 7 months. Even thought things might not be all that well. I am learning to let feelings out. Mainly because I can't live like this anymore. I'll cry church, I'll cry right in front of anyone. If they have a problem with it, well then it's their problem. I try my best to tell people when I'm upset with them. I definitely do a lot better with Tom and the boys then I have in a long time. Still have work to do, but I feel like I'm at least heading in the direction that I want to with relationships and how to get all this gunk out of me so that I can actually rejoice my life the way I would like too.
I found this site
http://jameslau88.com/harboring_unforgiveness_is_like_drinking_poison.html
And there’s parts of it that I wanted to share. If you want to read all of it it’s up to. I know some of you believe in a higher power but not necessarily a God, I do so I just didn’t want to push anything on anyone is all. But here’s some of what I liked.
It is impossible to be bitter and get better at the same time!
How can a hurt or problem make you a better person? God does not bring hurts and wounds upon you, but once they are inflicted upon you, He is able to cause them to benefit you if you will trust Him to do so.
God can make miracles out of mistakes!
“What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living!” (Psalm 27:13 Amp
Recently 1 received a letter from a woman who wrote, “I know God did not cause your abuse, but if you had not been abused, you could not have helped me.” She continued, “Please don’t feel too badly about it, because God is using your pain to set others free.”
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