Week 21: What I want to hear

I definitely don't want to hear 'I'm sorry'.

That's not enough anymore. That's a five letter word that doesn't mean shit to me. It actually pisses me off more then anything when I hear it.

I want my mother to take accountability for her actions. For what she says. I'm not going to get it tho. I know that and I have to learn to accept that. To try to move on from it, and ignore when I keep hearing it. She might love me because I'm her daughter but she doesn't like me. I don't know why. I mean I was the baby and I broke rules, but now to hold that against me .. still?! .. It is what it is. Unfortunately.


My husband....


I have forgiven what he did in the beginning. I actually have. And I forgotten for the most part, except when he might do things now those memories come flashing back like a flood.

I don't want him to say anything. I want him to act on what he would like to say. I want to feel it not hear it. I want to trust completely again. I want to believe in our marriage and our relationship. Just right now it's on hold. Just for a bit longer and than I'll figure out what to or how to do the next step.


I guess what I want to hear, is Ed to SHUT THE FUCK UP. Sorry for the language but it's definitely what I would like. I would love not to have those questions in my ear. To not hear all the garbage that he gets me to believe in.

And I want to hear 'me'. I want to listen to the person that I would want to be. The one that can be healthy. The one that deserves to be treated good and have a wonderful blessed life. To believe in myself and not let others question who I am. That's what I need to start listening to.