Oh my lord.. Recovery.. RECOVERY?!?! Hmm.. Ya that's almost like
a big term to me right now!
Why do I want recovery.. somedays I'm not sure why I want
recovery. Somedays recovery isn't a thought. Ed does a well good job of taking
that over and making sure of not dealing with recovery. But really I don't want
to die from this.. I don't want my children putting my body into the ground and
having to live their life saying well my mom choose to do this. No I didn't
really choose to have Ed.. Ed just came apart of me and pulling myself away
isn't as easy as it sounds.
My mom today said it's like quiting smoking. And my remark back
was laughing and saying how many times did you try to quit!? This is my first
time. Kind of a f*** off thing!
Long term goals.. that's easy .. I want to spend the rest of my
life with Tom. I want to just relax and be with him and have fun. When I say
fun I mean sitting on the porch swing
or just doing nothing just being together and looking at each other and being able to smile at one another and feel .. feel that feeling you get when you smile and breath. Something about it just makes me feel perfect!!
I'm not sure with Ed.. It's so hard dealing with him day by day and then to think about dealing with him for the rest .. frustrating.. aggrivating.. But in that same sentence. I'm not giving up!!! I do believe life will be better! I'm going to push myself threw and I am believing that it will be something better then what I am living now!
or
just doing nothing just being together and looking at each other and being able
to smile at one another and feel .. feel that feeling you get when you smile
and breath. Something about it just makes me feel perfect!!
I'm not sure with Ed.. It's so hard dealing with him day by day
and then to think about dealing with him for the rest .. frustrating..
aggrivating.. But in that same sentence. I'm not giving up!!! I do believe life
will be better! I'm going to push myself threw and I am believing that it will
be something better then what I am living now!
a big term to me right now!
Why do I want recovery.. somedays I'm not sure why I want
recovery. Somedays recovery isn't a thought. Ed does a well good job of taking
that over and making sure of not dealing with recovery. But really I don't want
to die from this.. I don't want my children putting my body into the ground and
having to live their life saying well my mom choose to do this. No I didn't
really choose to have Ed.. Ed just came apart of me and pulling myself away
isn't as easy as it sounds.
My mom today said it's like quiting smoking. And my remark back
was laughing and saying how many times did you try to quit!? This is my first
time. Kind of a f*** off thing!
Long term goals.. that's easy .. I want to spend the rest of my
life with Tom. I want to just relax and be with him and have fun. When I say
fun I mean sitting on the porch swing
or just doing nothing just being together and looking at each other and being able to smile at one another and feel .. feel that feeling you get when you smile and breath. Something about it just makes me feel perfect!!I'm not sure with Ed.. It's so hard dealing with him day by day and then to think about dealing with him for the rest .. frustrating.. aggrivating.. But in that same sentence. I'm not giving up!!! I do believe life will be better! I'm going to push myself threw and I am believing that it will be something better then what I am living now!
or
just doing nothing just being together and looking at each other and being able
to smile at one another and feel .. feel that feeling you get when you smile
and breath. Something about it just makes me feel perfect!!
I'm not sure with Ed.. It's so hard dealing with him day by day
and then to think about dealing with him for the rest .. frustrating..
aggrivating.. But in that same sentence. I'm not giving up!!! I do believe life
will be better! I'm going to push myself threw and I am believing that it will
be something better then what I am living now!
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